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Relationships

Hi, I've been in my current relationship for a fair while now, all is great. Biggest problem is the fact I hate his hobby. It's not bad or anything, it's just I can't bring myself to accept it. I tried trying it out didn't work. I am sick of him talking about it non-stop and going out of his way for his hobby at times, including not seeing me. What should I do!? We've fought so many times over this. It works out but he seems to forget until we argue again! He should know that I don't like hearing it from the way I respond, which is silence!!!

Thanks for your question. It sounds like your boyfriend's hobby is really bothering you. I'm wondering what is bothering you the most about it—it may not be a case of whether you accept it or not. This hobby sounds important to him and something he wants in his life. You mentioned it wasn't bad so I'm assuming this isn't something that's harmful to you in anyway. As partners, we need to be able to respect what is important to one another. In healthy relationships, we have time and separate stuff from each other like hobbies, interests, etc. How is this hobby really affecting your relationship? One thing you mentioned was that he talks about it non-stop and goes out of his way for it. You both fight about this but you feel it keeps coming up. Have you tried to talk to him about it at a time that isn't in conflict? Talking about an issue at a time that's good for both of you is often more productive. Listen to each other without being defensive and let him know how it affects you. What would be a resolution for you? There may be some negative consequences in the relationship if you wanted him to give it up; that could be controlling and not ok. Perhaps some compromises can be made around how this hobby can be managed in the relationship so it fits for both of you. Take care. The above information has been reproduced from Somazone with permission from the Australian Drug Foundation. www.somazone.com.au Australian Drug Foundation 2009

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